6 steps
by itainthardtryin
Summary: The 5 steps it took Santana to get Brittany, and the one step it took to keep her.


_Age 15_

"Mom, can we talk?" Santana's voice was uncharacteristically small.

Her mother eyed her up, recognising that she was less confident than usual. It scared her to see her daughter like this, but she knew that Santana must need her right now otherwise she wouldn't look so childlike. "Of course. Is everything okay?"

Santana knew that these next few words would change everything. She didn't know how to prepare herself for that, so she'd decided that she just needed it to happen so she could deal with it, instead of spending all of her time preparing for the unknown. It was going to either make her or break her, but she needed it either way. She just needed the truth out in the open, because hiding it was eating her up inside. She took a breath, and looked at the floor.

"I think I'm gay," she mumbled. It was ridiculously hard to say those words out loud for the first time, but now that she'd said it and the world hadn't ended, she'd found new confidence. "No, I – I _know _I'm gay," she sighed. "I'm gay."

Santana had thought that she didn't have the strength to say those words even once, but she'd just said them three times, each time with a little more confidence. She stood in silence waiting for her mother's response. This was it. Make or break.

Her mother said nothing. Instead, she closed the gap between them and pulled Santana into a warm embrace. After a few moments, she pulled back but kept her hold on Santana's shoulders. She looked deep into her daughter's eyes, which were now filled with tears. "Santana, listen to me when I say this. Nothing you can say or do will ever change how much I love you. As long as you're happy, I'm happy." She raised her hand to Santana's cheek to rub away the tears that were now leaving tracks on her cheeks. "I'm so, so proud of you for telling me. Thank you," her mother said before pulling her into another tight hug.

* * *

><p><em>Age 16<em>

Santana didn't know how long she'd been lying awake just staring at the girl beside her. Brittany had stayed over almost every weekend since the start of summer. Her mother had always given Santana a smirk when she got excited about Brittany coming over to stay. Once or twice her mother had asked in passing whether Brittany was her girlfriend. When Santana heard those words, her heart skipped a beat and she got butterflies in her stomach. She wasn't sure if it was because she still wasn't entirely used to the idea of her mother talking to her so openly about her sexuality, or whether it was because she thought about the prospect of having Brittany as her girlfriend. She was almost 100% sure it was the second one.

Santana had been unconsciously playing with blonde hair for what seemed like forever, and she never wanted to stop. She wasn't a morning person, but when it was Brittany that she woke up to she forgot all about being grumpy. She even felt like she could feel the sun hitting her face and hear the birds in the trees, something that she'd never admit out loud, but Brittany had that effect on her. She was a completely different person with Brittany. She was someone she wished she could be all the time; she loved who Brittany made her.

Brittany was stirring beside her now and rubbing her eyes. She turned around and looked Santana in the eye. "Morning," she said sleepily. In that moment, Santana knew that this was what she wanted to wake up to forever.

"Morning Britt, sleep well?" Santana replied, still playing with Brittany's hair. If anyone seen her in this moment they would swear that Santana was possessed, because there was no way that they could ever imagine that Santana could be this loving and tender.

"I always sleep well when I'm beside you." Santana's heart felt like it was going to come out of her chest. Is it possible to die from loving someone too much?

"Britt, I've been thinking. Remember how you said that if I wasn't so scared of what people thought that you'd hold my hand all day in school, and give me kisses before class?" Santana was blushing at the even the thought of it.

"Of course I do," Brittany said, leaning up on one elbow to get a better look at Santana to try and understand why she was bringing this up now.

"I don't think I'm scared anymore, Britt," Santana said as honestly and sincerely as she could. She wanted Brittany to understand what she meant.

"So... does that mean we don't have to pretend any more when we're around other people? I don't have to wait until we're alone if I want to kiss you now?" Brittany's face was laced with confusion. Even though Santana knew she understood, she also knew that Brittany wasn't going to get her hopes up until she got confirmation from Santana.

"Yeah, that's right. You can kiss me any time you want. And I'll kiss you too. I don't care what people think about me. I just don't want to have to pretend any more. I love you and I don't care who knows. I just want to be able to call you my girlfriend, proudly so."

Before Santana could barely finish her last words, Brittany was jumping on top of her and leaning down to look Santana straight in the eye. "You really mean it?" she said, pausing just millimetres from Santana's lips.

"With all my heart," Santana said, before Brittany kissed her. In that moment Santana knew she'd made the right decision.

* * *

><p><em>Age 17<em>

Happiness was something Santana was used to now. Every moment Brittany was by her side she was happy. And not just that slight smile sort of happy; the sort of happy where you can see all the beauty in the world from the way the clouds make shapes you've never noticed before, to the way an old couple holding hands makes your heart ache. But nothing compared to the happiness she was feeling right now, watching her girlfriend come down the stairs in front of her ready for her to take her to prom. Santana was taking her girlfriend to prom. She never thought in all of her wildest dreams that she'd ever be this lucky. She pinched herself just to be sure. She didn't wake up.

Brittany walked over to her and just smiled. Santana's breath hitched in her throat. She thought that 'breathtaking' was just an expression, but here it was personified in front of her. She honestly thought she was going to start crying, and maybe a single tear rolled down her cheek.

"You're...," Santana was actually speechless. She was desperately trying to come up with a word that would describe how beautiful Brittany looked in this moment. Brittany looked beautiful in _most _moments, but this... this was perfection. "You're perfect, Britt. Perfect."

"Thanks," Brittany blushed. "You look beautiful." She took Santana's hand and squeezed it, before leaning in and placing a light kiss on her lips.

"I love you Britt."

"I love you too."

* * *

><p><em>Age 19<em>

College wasn't something that Santana was looking forward to. She'd moved to Chicago to study marketing while Brittany had stayed in Lima to take a class in child care at the local college. Santana had moved into a shared dorm on campus, while Brittany had gotten her own apartment. She had point blank refused to move away without taking Brittany with her, but Britt had reassured her that this wasn't going to be the end of them. Chicago was only a 4 hour drive away, they had Skype, they had texts and phonecalls and letters and nothing would come between them. Santana could never say no to Brittany, so she agreed in the end. That didn't mean that it didn't break her heart to wake up alone every morning and go to sleep alone every night.

Six months into her course, Santana had had enough. She couldn't concentrate on what she was studying because she was too busy thinking about what Brittany was doing or who she was with or what they'd be doing if she'd just stayed in Lima. She was failing her classes. Santana had always gotten straight A's but now she struggled to get a pass. It was pointless.

Brittany's name popped up on Skype as Santana was typing another essay on something she didn't even remotely care about. It was stupid how excited she got when she seen Brittany's face on the screen.

"Hey baby, I miss you," she said, placing her hand on the screen just wanting to touch her girlfriend's face. It had been a month since they last seen each other in person.

"I miss you too," Brittany replied, mirroring her gesture. They were still so hopelessly in love even after 3 years. They continued to chat for well over an hour sharing stories of their classes and their friends and how they were both excited to see each other again. When Brittany said she had to go, Santana could have sworn that her heart was physically breaking.

"I'll talk to you tomorrow, San. I love you." And just like that the screen was blank.

The emptiness of her room - and the emptiness she felt inside – was the final straw. Santana grabbed her suitcase from under her bed and began packing. Chicago may be where her house is, but it is certainly not her home.

4 long hours later, Santana pulled up outside Brittany's apartment. There were no lights on and Santana immediately felt guilty for intruding like this in the middle of the night. She checked her watch. It was 3.18am. She hadn't realised it was so late until then, but she was sure that Brittany wouldn't mind.

She walked up to Brittany's door and knocked. She took a step back and just waited, even though her excitement was becoming almost too much to take. She noticed the living room light being turned on, and then the door opened and there she was. Brittany.

"Hi," Santana said smiling. Brittany looked completely shocked, but after a split second she pulled Santana in for the tightest hug she'd ever been given. When they pulled back, Brittany brought her hands to Santana's cheeks and kissed her with everything she had.

"What are you doing here?" Brittany finally said. "Oh my God, I don't even care, I just – you're _here_." Brittany just stared at her girlfriend, who was there, right in front of her, that she hadn't seen in over a month.

"Yeah, I'm here. And I always want to be here," Santana said. "I hate being away from you for so long. I mean I really, really hate it. I can't concentrate on anything because all I do is miss you. Every single second I'm just wishing I'm back here with you. And now that I am, I'm not leaving again."

"Santana?" Brittany questioned.

"I want to move in with you Britt. I mean, if you'll let me. I can drop out and go to college here next year. I just – I need to be with you."

"Of course you can move in with me, Santana! So, you're actually coming home?"

"Yeah, I'm home."

* * *

><p><em>Age 21<em>

Nervous would be an understatement. Terrified would be closer, but still not close enough. Santana didn't know why she was putting this off. She just wanted to get this over and done with. But no, it had to be perfect. It would be worth the wait.

Santana was walking through the park hand in hand with Brittany. They'd done this a lot since they'd moved in together. They'd go for walks a few nights a week, not only to get out of the house but to just be able to spend time alone together with nothing to distract them. It was the highlight of Santana's week, because even though they were now much older, she was still that 16 year old girl who was head over heels in love.

Santana was becoming more and more nervous, and she was now getting nervous that Brittany would notice that she was nervous. She looked up ahead and she seen it. One single tree, nothing special. Only to Santana and Brittany it was. This was the place that they'd always went when they needed alone time. When Brittany's cat died when they were 13, they sat together under this tree for hours while Brittany calmed down. When Santana got kicked off the Cheerios, they'd done the same. It was their safe place. It was the place their most intimate moments were shared, and today was going to be no exception.

It wasn't any surprise to Santana that Brittany pulled her over towards the tree. They sat down together and just enjoyed each other's company in comfortable silence. After a while Santana turned to face Brittany.

"Britt, how long have we known each other?" She didn't know where to start, so the beginning seemed to make sense.

"Um... Since we were six Santana, you know that," Brittany replied. Santana smiled.

"And how long have we loved each other?" It was cheesy, Santana knew that but it was just what Brittany did to her.

"I've loved you since you helped me tie my shoelaces when they came undone and I tripped." Santana smiled at the memory. They had been 8 years old, playing in the playground at recess and Brittany had fallen over and cut her knee. Santana had sat with her for 20 minutes helping her learn how to tie her laces properly by herself, instead of just doing it for her, so it would never happen again. "What about you?"

"Britt, I've honestly loved you since the day I met you." The way Brittany's eyes lit up made Santana melt. She continued before Brittany had a chance to interrupt. "And I know I'll love you until the day I die. You're all I'll ever need. I never want to lose you and I never want to be without you." She put her hand in her pocket and took out a small box. When she opened it, Brittany gasped and threw her hands over her mouth.

"Brittany, will you marry me?" Santana was shaking, she thought she was crying too but she wasn't sure because all she could see was Brittany.

"Yes! Of course I will! Yes, yes, yes!" Brittany exclaimed. Santana took the ring out of the box and placed it on her fiancée's finger, before kissing her with everything she had. Tears were running down both of their faces now as they sat there wrapped in each other's arms. Santana knew that their love was all that she would ever need.

* * *

><p><em>Age 24<em>

"Ready?" said Puck, peeking round the door. Santana was snapped out of her thoughts. She'd been reminiscing about all the steps that had led her to this moment and still couldn't believe her luck.

"Yeah, coming now." She checked herself once more in the mirror before leaving the room.

Santana took Puck's arm in her own. She never imagined that he would be the one to walk her down the aisle, but after her papa died he became like a father figure to her. He squeezed her hand and she smiled up at him. This was the day she'd been dreaming about since she was 6, and now it was happening she was still convinced she was going to wake up and it would all be a dream.

The music started and the congregation all turned to look at Santana. She wasn't sure why they were looking at her, when the most beautiful woman in the world was already standing at the altar. Santana didn't want to take any attention off Brittany, because she made the most stunning bride that anyone had ever seen. Santana had wanted them to both walk up the aisle, but Brittany said she didn't want people watching her. Santana knew that this really meant she wanted her to have the moment that she'd been dreaming of since she was a little girl, and Brittany didn't want to take her spotlight. It was things like this that made Santana sure that walking up this aisle was her only purpose in life.

As she walked, she knew she was surrounded by family and friends. She knew that the sun was shining and the birds were singing. She knew that there was music playing that she and Brittany had spent nights and nights choosing. She knew that she should be taking in her surroundings, looking at all the things that they'd spent the last year planning and buying. But right now, in this moment, the only thing that Santana could see was Brittany.

As she reached the altar and detached from Puck's arm, she looked into Brittany's eyes. Not only did she see unending love but she also saw every step that had got her to this point. The conversation with her mother, playing with Brittany's hair, the colour of Brittany's prom dress, the time on her watch when she was standing outside Britt's apartment, the way there were leaves falling off the tree when she proposed. Those were all the steps it had taken to get Brittany, and this last step, to stand in front of her wife-to-be and take her vows, would be the one step Santana would take in keeping her.


End file.
